I just wanted to add something that I meant to mention in my previous post. I have emphasised quite strongly the wisdom we can glean from those who are older than us, but I should also point out that not every older person will give us wise advice, and not every younger person won't.
The important question is to ask 'whose opinions do I value and respect?' There will be some who seem to make wise choices in life, perhaps who often seem to have a timely word; someone who has a proven track record of living in integrity and wisdom. Perhaps the most important thing is that you go someone who you know will tell you truth, whether it is easy or not. It is easy to ask those who we think will say what we want them to say, but when I am working on a really tough decision, the input I value is from people who will point out the tricky implications of each possibility and will not spare me from what hurts if I need to hear it.
So yes, seek out someone older and someone with more experience of life and particularly of the issue you are dealing with, but don't ask any old person; it must be someone you know to be built on a solid foundation, who is not easily shaken, who deals in truth and walks in step with the source of all wisdom.
Monday, 23 December 2013
Sunday, 22 December 2013
Seeking wisdom with humility
A long overdue post. Life has been very busy recently with all sorts of things being thrown at me - hard things and fantastically exciting things. God has been and is is still being (and showing me more and more that is is) completely faithful and teaching me much. Recently we have been going through Proverbs in our Sunday evening services which brought out this verse a number of weeks ago which seemed interesting to me. On my own I have been reading 1 and 2 Chronicles and when I read chapters 10 and 11 of 2 Chronicles over the last couple of days it brought back the verse from Proverbs 16 to me and got me thinking about wisdom, advice and humility.
Proverbs 16:2 (and 21:2) All a man's ways seem right to him...
We always think we are making the right or wise decision, otherwise we wouldn't decide that.
But we know that sometimes when we look back, when someone suggested an alternative route they might have had some insight that we did not see or value at the time. With our knowledge at the time what they said didn't seem to make sense or apply to our particular circumstances, but with hindsight we realise that their words were wise and usually that they came from experience.
As human beings we learn by doing, not by being told. As I have mentioned before, there are many things that I have thought that I've known, but until I have experienced them truly myself I have not understood properly. I think wisdom is like this as well. We think we know best and that no-one else can understand our situation like we do (which they can't, because even if they've been through something similar it will never have been quite the same, and they haven't been us going through that situation) and we discount their advice or think it doesn't apply to us. In retrospect, when we come out the other side of a choice or a change, we realise that if we had really taken the time to humbly listen we could have applied their wisdom to our situation. But we had to learn it by ourselves rather than just have them tell us.
I am beginning to think that the beginning of having wisdom is to be able to skip this step and to take advice. To know that other people have already learned by experience and they are telling us something because it may genuinely inform our decision. To admit that I may not always know best, but that somebody who has seen more of life than I have might have an insight to my situation.
When we are unsure or have a big decision to make that will affect others, where do we turn to for advice?
In 2 Chronicles 10 we see Rehoboam faced with a decision about how to deal with his subjects in the the north who want the 'heavy yoke' Solomon placed on them relieving. Rehoboam first goes to the older men who counselled his father Solomon and they advise him to be good to the people and they will serve him willingly.
This doesn't fit with what Rehoboam has in mind (perhaps he wants to make sure people don't think they can run rings around him as he takes over from his father - he already seems to be on the defensive feeling that he has to rule them with power to draw respect from them (this will be a negative 'fear' respect) rather than earning their respect with gentleness and wisdom (a wholesome, healthy loving respect)) and so he hoes and asks his own advisors: the young men who had grown up with him.
And of course they say the same as he is thinking. Go in and show them who's boss. Which would have made sense from their point of view. It may have seemed like the only way to deal with people he was worried would revolt against him. But in the end they revolted anyway, for he commanded neither a positive Godly respect from them nor a negative 'fear' respect.
Had he come to the dilemma with humility and realised that his instinctive approach may not be the most effective, the great split in his kingdom could have been avoided. Had he valued the life experience of the older men, especially as he knew they had witnessed and been part of his father's great wisdom, he could have begun his own journey in gaining wisdom by being able to accept others' experiences without having to learn the lesson by making his own mistakes.
So my question is: how should we make our choices? On our own? Sometimes this works, but remember that all a man's ways seem right to him - sometimes we are to close to something to look at it objectively.
Seek counsel? For a tough decision and one that will affect others, I think this is the only way forward, but from whom should we seek counsel?
The young men from whom Rehoboam sought counsel could not give him good advice because they were standing in the same place as him. They had the same life experience. They were the same age and had grown up together so they had no extra insights to add. He may as well not have bothered asking. (But maybe he had to so it looked like he wasn't just doing his own thing. We should be wary of shopping around for advice fits what we want - someone to make us feel like what we want to do is ok)
It's like if a group of tourists are lost in a city where they have never been before. They are surrounded by tall buildings and are looking for the waterfront. It is the leader's responsibility to get them there. Is he wise just to pretend he knows the way and guess, possibly leading them in the opposite direction? Is he wise to ask the other tourists with him, who are standing in the same place and have also never been there before? They could take a vote and it would be democratic, but no more likely that they get there.
No, he would be wise to ask the person looking out of a window half way up a building, who has a better view, or even better, somebody who has lived in the city for a long time, who definitely knows the way.
How much do we respect our elders and their experiences of life? Do we treat them as a weight to carry in our life or our church? Or do we come to them with humility and listen to their wisdom? Do we seek them out when we have a dilemma to see if they can shed some light on it?
Is wisdom knowing the way? Is it walking doggedly in what we think is the right direction but not checking with anyone? Or is it admitting that we aren't sure, and seeing whether anyone has some insight? We might have been right anyway, in which case no harm is done, or we might be shown a signpost to the right way and be saved a lot of trouble and pain.
I know I respect those who I see showing wisdom, and hunting out the truth and the good choice, even if it means swallowing their pride or taking the longer, more difficult route.
I pray that God would make me into one of those people.
Proverbs 16:2 (and 21:2) All a man's ways seem right to him...
We always think we are making the right or wise decision, otherwise we wouldn't decide that.
But we know that sometimes when we look back, when someone suggested an alternative route they might have had some insight that we did not see or value at the time. With our knowledge at the time what they said didn't seem to make sense or apply to our particular circumstances, but with hindsight we realise that their words were wise and usually that they came from experience.
As human beings we learn by doing, not by being told. As I have mentioned before, there are many things that I have thought that I've known, but until I have experienced them truly myself I have not understood properly. I think wisdom is like this as well. We think we know best and that no-one else can understand our situation like we do (which they can't, because even if they've been through something similar it will never have been quite the same, and they haven't been us going through that situation) and we discount their advice or think it doesn't apply to us. In retrospect, when we come out the other side of a choice or a change, we realise that if we had really taken the time to humbly listen we could have applied their wisdom to our situation. But we had to learn it by ourselves rather than just have them tell us.
I am beginning to think that the beginning of having wisdom is to be able to skip this step and to take advice. To know that other people have already learned by experience and they are telling us something because it may genuinely inform our decision. To admit that I may not always know best, but that somebody who has seen more of life than I have might have an insight to my situation.
When we are unsure or have a big decision to make that will affect others, where do we turn to for advice?
In 2 Chronicles 10 we see Rehoboam faced with a decision about how to deal with his subjects in the the north who want the 'heavy yoke' Solomon placed on them relieving. Rehoboam first goes to the older men who counselled his father Solomon and they advise him to be good to the people and they will serve him willingly.
This doesn't fit with what Rehoboam has in mind (perhaps he wants to make sure people don't think they can run rings around him as he takes over from his father - he already seems to be on the defensive feeling that he has to rule them with power to draw respect from them (this will be a negative 'fear' respect) rather than earning their respect with gentleness and wisdom (a wholesome, healthy loving respect)) and so he hoes and asks his own advisors: the young men who had grown up with him.
And of course they say the same as he is thinking. Go in and show them who's boss. Which would have made sense from their point of view. It may have seemed like the only way to deal with people he was worried would revolt against him. But in the end they revolted anyway, for he commanded neither a positive Godly respect from them nor a negative 'fear' respect.
Had he come to the dilemma with humility and realised that his instinctive approach may not be the most effective, the great split in his kingdom could have been avoided. Had he valued the life experience of the older men, especially as he knew they had witnessed and been part of his father's great wisdom, he could have begun his own journey in gaining wisdom by being able to accept others' experiences without having to learn the lesson by making his own mistakes.
So my question is: how should we make our choices? On our own? Sometimes this works, but remember that all a man's ways seem right to him - sometimes we are to close to something to look at it objectively.
Seek counsel? For a tough decision and one that will affect others, I think this is the only way forward, but from whom should we seek counsel?
The young men from whom Rehoboam sought counsel could not give him good advice because they were standing in the same place as him. They had the same life experience. They were the same age and had grown up together so they had no extra insights to add. He may as well not have bothered asking. (But maybe he had to so it looked like he wasn't just doing his own thing. We should be wary of shopping around for advice fits what we want - someone to make us feel like what we want to do is ok)
It's like if a group of tourists are lost in a city where they have never been before. They are surrounded by tall buildings and are looking for the waterfront. It is the leader's responsibility to get them there. Is he wise just to pretend he knows the way and guess, possibly leading them in the opposite direction? Is he wise to ask the other tourists with him, who are standing in the same place and have also never been there before? They could take a vote and it would be democratic, but no more likely that they get there.
No, he would be wise to ask the person looking out of a window half way up a building, who has a better view, or even better, somebody who has lived in the city for a long time, who definitely knows the way.
How much do we respect our elders and their experiences of life? Do we treat them as a weight to carry in our life or our church? Or do we come to them with humility and listen to their wisdom? Do we seek them out when we have a dilemma to see if they can shed some light on it?
Is wisdom knowing the way? Is it walking doggedly in what we think is the right direction but not checking with anyone? Or is it admitting that we aren't sure, and seeing whether anyone has some insight? We might have been right anyway, in which case no harm is done, or we might be shown a signpost to the right way and be saved a lot of trouble and pain.
I know I respect those who I see showing wisdom, and hunting out the truth and the good choice, even if it means swallowing their pride or taking the longer, more difficult route.
I pray that God would make me into one of those people.
Saturday, 31 August 2013
He knows me
Here's another theme that keeps popping up and eventually popped up enough times that I got round to writing about it.
The obvious place to start on this one is Psalm 139.
O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
The obvious place to start on this one is Psalm 139.
O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
you discern my thoughts from afar.
and are acquainted with all my ways.
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
For you formed my inward parts;
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
I have always loved this Psalm (go away and read the whole thing - I have tried to just pick the bits most relevant to what I am saying here to keep the post short-ish) because it speaks of how deeply God knows us, better than we do ourselves and how he walks with us no matter what. But it was another of those ideas that I thought I understood and liked and then he came along and brought it to life, like at the end of the Narnia books where they realise that everything so far has just been a shadow.
The difference between the old Narnia and the new Narnia was like [this:] The new one was a deeper country: every rock and flower and blade of grass looked as if it meant more. I can't describe it any better than that: if you ever get there you will know what I mean.
He has been doing this with various themes for a while now and I love it! When he gives an insight to something I thought I knew, or something I wished I could understand more, it is such a beautiful gift, because those are gems I could never find or make for myself. They are his gracious gifts, tailored just for me because he knows me perfectly, a gesture from one who loves me. And I also know that I will spend eternity coming to know all sorts of things and even the same things over and over again, more and more deeply as I search the infinite riches of Christ.
Anyway, tangent over, I will return to the subject on hand. He knows me. Because I am the kind of person who finds it very difficult to express what is going on inside of me, I find this hugely comforting. This line from a wonderful German worship song really brings home to me his closeness and the safety and release in that.
'Du zeigst dich uns als ewig treuer Freund, und weisst genau wie unser Herz es meint' (you show yourself to us as faithful Friend and know exactly how our heart means it)
No matter how many times I am misunderstood by other people, he knows exactly what was in my heart. Generally in those situations I will not try to defend myself because it is just not worth it, and it is actually the fact that the truth is not accepted or acknowledged and that someone thinks that I would intend whatever they thought I meant that really hurts. How great the comfort in knowing that he understands.
Psalm 139:1-6, 13-14 (ESV)
I have always loved this Psalm (go away and read the whole thing - I have tried to just pick the bits most relevant to what I am saying here to keep the post short-ish) because it speaks of how deeply God knows us, better than we do ourselves and how he walks with us no matter what. But it was another of those ideas that I thought I understood and liked and then he came along and brought it to life, like at the end of the Narnia books where they realise that everything so far has just been a shadow.
The difference between the old Narnia and the new Narnia was like [this:] The new one was a deeper country: every rock and flower and blade of grass looked as if it meant more. I can't describe it any better than that: if you ever get there you will know what I mean.
C.S. Lewis The Last Battle
He has been doing this with various themes for a while now and I love it! When he gives an insight to something I thought I knew, or something I wished I could understand more, it is such a beautiful gift, because those are gems I could never find or make for myself. They are his gracious gifts, tailored just for me because he knows me perfectly, a gesture from one who loves me. And I also know that I will spend eternity coming to know all sorts of things and even the same things over and over again, more and more deeply as I search the infinite riches of Christ.
Anyway, tangent over, I will return to the subject on hand. He knows me. Because I am the kind of person who finds it very difficult to express what is going on inside of me, I find this hugely comforting. This line from a wonderful German worship song really brings home to me his closeness and the safety and release in that.
'Du zeigst dich uns als ewig treuer Freund, und weisst genau wie unser Herz es meint' (you show yourself to us as faithful Friend and know exactly how our heart means it)
Lothar Kosse Immer mehr von dir
No matter how many times I am misunderstood by other people, he knows exactly what was in my heart. Generally in those situations I will not try to defend myself because it is just not worth it, and it is actually the fact that the truth is not accepted or acknowledged and that someone thinks that I would intend whatever they thought I meant that really hurts. How great the comfort in knowing that he understands.
Of course that works both ways. I can't pull the wool over his eyes about my motivation or inner state. But how unbelievable that he loves me anyway! He knows all there is to know and chooses to work in me no matter how many times I fail, fall, walk away, disobey. In fact he chose to create me, knowing exactly how I would turn out.
He also knows my potential. He knows how he made me to be and how his masterpiece will one day be fulfilled. This is good news because I have little to no idea how he plans to use me or what potential he has hidden away in there!
The realisation that actually triggered me to write this post, however, was that because he knows me perfectly, he knows how I work, how mit mir umzugehen (I think that roughly translates how to deal with me, but I like the German phrase better). This means that I don't need to get het up about seeking his will. If I am loving him and abiding in him he knows how to make clear what he wants of me and will honour my prayers that he keep me in his way, showing what he would have me do and what he would have me change. Not that I ever thought he was, but he's not trying to be secretive or trick me - he knows exactly what and how he needs to communicate with me and will not leave me far away from him. He hems me in behind and before and if I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there his hand shall lead me, and his right hand shall hold me. (Ps 139 again)
Not sure whether I have really communicated what I was hoping to, but I have definitely organised some of my thoughts and I pray that he would bring these things alive to you in the way that is best for you to truly know them.
He also knows my potential. He knows how he made me to be and how his masterpiece will one day be fulfilled. This is good news because I have little to no idea how he plans to use me or what potential he has hidden away in there!
The realisation that actually triggered me to write this post, however, was that because he knows me perfectly, he knows how I work, how mit mir umzugehen (I think that roughly translates how to deal with me, but I like the German phrase better). This means that I don't need to get het up about seeking his will. If I am loving him and abiding in him he knows how to make clear what he wants of me and will honour my prayers that he keep me in his way, showing what he would have me do and what he would have me change. Not that I ever thought he was, but he's not trying to be secretive or trick me - he knows exactly what and how he needs to communicate with me and will not leave me far away from him. He hems me in behind and before and if I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there his hand shall lead me, and his right hand shall hold me. (Ps 139 again)
Not sure whether I have really communicated what I was hoping to, but I have definitely organised some of my thoughts and I pray that he would bring these things alive to you in the way that is best for you to truly know them.
Saturday, 8 June 2013
Love
This post has been pending in my mind for a while now and I have finally disciplined myself to get to the blog to write it down to help me think it through. And I can't find the word I want for the title that expresses just what I am trying to convey, but never mind!
The thought first came to me when my little girl (that I look after, not actually my little girl!) had just woken up from her nap and it was cuddle time. God gave me one of those 'click' moments of insight to his perspective. Now when she's not sleepy she's not that cuddly so I really treasure the few minutes I get of sitting down and having her just chill there. She's not distracted by her toys, she's not trying to get something out of me or wind up her brother. She is content and she trusts me.
It feels like a huge privilege to me to have these times with her even though she's not even my daughter. To feel that closeness with another being when she is completely relaxed in my arms, just being. To me it is a glimpse of what it must be like to be a parent. The love I feel for her at those moments must be a drop in the ocean compared to how it feels to nurture your own child and have her (or him) depend on you and completely trust you to be what she needs. She is so vulnerable at those times and it is in my arms that she chooses to rest and be content.
Despite my years of caring for children, I have never had one of my own, and moments like this remind me that what I do now is just a shadow of what I have been made to do (or at least to be able to do - who knows whether I ever will!). But it also gives me insight into the parent-child relationship that is often used to describe God's relationship to us. I have always assented to the idea in my head and thought I understood it, understanding what I feel for my own mother, but this moment made me consider what it is like to be on the other side.
Of course an earthly parent's understanding of how they love their child is still only a glimpse of how God loves us and I only have a glimpse of those parenty feelings but if I can feel like that for one split second, truly delighting in this child and her contentedness and trust in me, oh how much more beyond my wildest imagination must my Lord and Saviour, Abba Father, love me.
Not only that, but how he must yearn for me to come to him, to lean on him, to be content just resting with him, to trust him in my most vulnerable moments to be my source. I look forward to those moments while my little girl is asleep and while she is running around doing things all day and now each time I am reminded to give my Maker, Shelter and Comforter more of those beautiful moments.
And I thank him and praise him for giving us these pictures and then in his time breathing life and understanding into them to open our eyes anew to him.
The thought first came to me when my little girl (that I look after, not actually my little girl!) had just woken up from her nap and it was cuddle time. God gave me one of those 'click' moments of insight to his perspective. Now when she's not sleepy she's not that cuddly so I really treasure the few minutes I get of sitting down and having her just chill there. She's not distracted by her toys, she's not trying to get something out of me or wind up her brother. She is content and she trusts me.
It feels like a huge privilege to me to have these times with her even though she's not even my daughter. To feel that closeness with another being when she is completely relaxed in my arms, just being. To me it is a glimpse of what it must be like to be a parent. The love I feel for her at those moments must be a drop in the ocean compared to how it feels to nurture your own child and have her (or him) depend on you and completely trust you to be what she needs. She is so vulnerable at those times and it is in my arms that she chooses to rest and be content.
Despite my years of caring for children, I have never had one of my own, and moments like this remind me that what I do now is just a shadow of what I have been made to do (or at least to be able to do - who knows whether I ever will!). But it also gives me insight into the parent-child relationship that is often used to describe God's relationship to us. I have always assented to the idea in my head and thought I understood it, understanding what I feel for my own mother, but this moment made me consider what it is like to be on the other side.
Of course an earthly parent's understanding of how they love their child is still only a glimpse of how God loves us and I only have a glimpse of those parenty feelings but if I can feel like that for one split second, truly delighting in this child and her contentedness and trust in me, oh how much more beyond my wildest imagination must my Lord and Saviour, Abba Father, love me.
Not only that, but how he must yearn for me to come to him, to lean on him, to be content just resting with him, to trust him in my most vulnerable moments to be my source. I look forward to those moments while my little girl is asleep and while she is running around doing things all day and now each time I am reminded to give my Maker, Shelter and Comforter more of those beautiful moments.
And I thank him and praise him for giving us these pictures and then in his time breathing life and understanding into them to open our eyes anew to him.
Friday, 26 April 2013
Sufficient: Letting go and trusting him to be enough
This is the most difficult bit. My head knows that he is enough. Experience has shown me that he is enough. His word tells me that he is enough. And still I struggle to let go and have peace in the knowledge that the Lord of all, my creator, really has it all in hand.
Is it because I know that he is unlikely to just make everything a walk in the park (it's not just me that isn't a fan of trials, effort, pain, right?)? That I am a control freak who wants to sort things out by herself? That I am not closely enough in communion with him to have a constant conviction that it really is true? That I don't really think he could care that much about someone like me?
Any or all of the above, I suppose. Of course I couldn't count the number of times I've been told that we are all on a journey and that only when God's masterpieces are fulfilled at resurrection will we be all that we hope for, but I am not a patient person. I get so frustrated that I can't just be what I want to be right now. I suppose that is another thing I should let go of and trust him for. After all, he died for me because I am not perfect and couldn't be on my own. The whole point of his being sufficient is my insufficiency.
I just have to ask him to help me let go and trust him to be enough, because in my head I know that he is. Little by little, I can give one more thing to him, not saying that this doesn't matter to me any more, but that it matters greatly and I trust him to deal perfectly with it, knowing me perfectly. Then I have to try not to take it back from him again. 'I long for this, but I trust you' is a prayer I seem to pray a lot at the moment.
I warn you though: it seems that every time I pray one of those reckless prayers (draw me closer to you, teach me to let go and trust you more, help me to depend on you) he answers. This shouldn't surprise me - he is after all a faithful God. But the trouble is, he doesn't just give us more faith, more longing for him, more joy, more hope; he gives us the opportunity to develop it. Which is rarely comfortable. So beware that if you pray prayers like that, he is liable to take you at your word!
Finally, having spent a while thinking about God's sufficiency and considering his unfailing faithfulness, I need to note one last thing. It is marvellous that he is sufficient to cover my sins, use my weakness, make up for my failings and come through for me in times of need and despair, but this is not the whole story. It's not actually about me. When I focus on him and hear of who he is - his glory, his might, his love, his grace - it is not me that matters, for he is worthy of all praise no matter what my situation.
Is it because I know that he is unlikely to just make everything a walk in the park (it's not just me that isn't a fan of trials, effort, pain, right?)? That I am a control freak who wants to sort things out by herself? That I am not closely enough in communion with him to have a constant conviction that it really is true? That I don't really think he could care that much about someone like me?
Any or all of the above, I suppose. Of course I couldn't count the number of times I've been told that we are all on a journey and that only when God's masterpieces are fulfilled at resurrection will we be all that we hope for, but I am not a patient person. I get so frustrated that I can't just be what I want to be right now. I suppose that is another thing I should let go of and trust him for. After all, he died for me because I am not perfect and couldn't be on my own. The whole point of his being sufficient is my insufficiency.
I just have to ask him to help me let go and trust him to be enough, because in my head I know that he is. Little by little, I can give one more thing to him, not saying that this doesn't matter to me any more, but that it matters greatly and I trust him to deal perfectly with it, knowing me perfectly. Then I have to try not to take it back from him again. 'I long for this, but I trust you' is a prayer I seem to pray a lot at the moment.
I warn you though: it seems that every time I pray one of those reckless prayers (draw me closer to you, teach me to let go and trust you more, help me to depend on you) he answers. This shouldn't surprise me - he is after all a faithful God. But the trouble is, he doesn't just give us more faith, more longing for him, more joy, more hope; he gives us the opportunity to develop it. Which is rarely comfortable. So beware that if you pray prayers like that, he is liable to take you at your word!
Finally, having spent a while thinking about God's sufficiency and considering his unfailing faithfulness, I need to note one last thing. It is marvellous that he is sufficient to cover my sins, use my weakness, make up for my failings and come through for me in times of need and despair, but this is not the whole story. It's not actually about me. When I focus on him and hear of who he is - his glory, his might, his love, his grace - it is not me that matters, for he is worthy of all praise no matter what my situation.
Sufficient: Can he really provide in every area of my life?
Well I have to say, until a month or two ago I would have answered yes to this question but I would not have truly believed that. He could provide for my every spiritual need, I believed he had all of my future in his hands and knew what he was doing with all the big things, but there were certain things I thought he couldn't really provide for. There were one or two things for which I needed a real person there with me, albeit sent by him.
(Of course there is always the question of do I actually need this thing I am praying for or is it just something I would really, really like? If the latter, God's answer could be 'no' or 'not now.')
So on the day in question, God by his grace decided to jolly well show me what he could do. I'm still not sure whether the thing I was praying about (interestingly not one of the things concerned with my previous post where I desperately need him to come through) was a need or a wish.
I had taken some time to be alone with him in a beautiful place just to concentrate on him, trying to learn to abide in him and trust him with everything and he honoured this in a beautiful way. He showed me that he knew exactly what was going on in my mind, my needs and desires, even before I got there (he made arrangements accordingly). He knew the thoughts that I never utter to a soul, and he cared about them. He knows me better than I know myself, he hems me in behind and before. He knows me perfectly and completely. I can honestly say that it is the best feeling ever just to have a glimpse, a shadow, of truly knowing this, and I cannot wait for the day when I know it fully.
You can take it from me (Please don't though. Pray for him to show you instead - from my experience the only way we really believe things is if they happen to us) that he is so easily capable of providing in any and every area of our lives that I'm baffled he has the patience with us while we are doubting it!
To come back to my question about whether it was a need or a wish, I think the way I was praying about concerned a wish, but through the experience God actually showed me that I do have a need, but it is for something more even than what I was praying for, and the need is what he will provide for. The wish; maybe.
Saturday, 20 April 2013
Sufficient: What if he hasn't come through?
I have put off writing this post partly because I've been pretty busy recently, and partly because it's a difficult one to write. What do we do when God hasn't come through?
There are several situations in my life right now where I really desperately need him to come through. And he hasn't. At least as far as I see it. This is an issue which has often been ignored, certainly in some areas of Christianity I have come across. There is a lot of pressure to trust and believe and expect the seemingly impossible healing, setting free, renewal or whatever it is we need, but nobody tells us what to do when we have invested everything and nothing seems to have happened.
When we see no change in a painful situation it hurts. When there is nothing we can do to change things other than pray, it seems hopeless.
(Interestingly, as I write these words I am also realising how we can subconsciously look on prayer as a less useful thing to do in a difficult situation. It can seem like prayer is a last resort: 'I've done everything I can do so I'll just have to fall back on prayer as a last hope that something might happen'. Offering somebody prayer can feel less 'useful' than offering them practical support.
Now I know that both prayer and practical support are vital, and when friends stand with someone in need both spiritually and practically it is a beautiful partnership that brings glory to God. Either one without the other is likely to be insufficient, but sometimes practical support is not possible, so then we can pray all the more. Prayer is not less useful. It is not airy-fairy. It is not a cop-out or admitting defeat. Actually it kind of is admitting defeat. It's saying to God 'I can't do this on my own. Please come through for me.')
So what do I do when I have prayed and tried to help and tried to help and prayed, and then prayed some more and nothing seems to change?
It's a horrible answer but it's all I've got and I'm pretty sure it's what our loving God wants us to do: wait. Wait, pray and seek him. Pursue our relationship with him, or if we can't manage that because we're so spent, cling on to the rock of hope. 'God I trust you' is sometimes all we can manage but it is all that is necessary (more on this in part 5).
And it turns out not to be horrible actually. As we wait we can watch out for the little things that he does for us day to day: the first flowers of Spring coming out, the laughter of children playing, a beautiful sunset (or sunrise if you're the early morning type...), a smile from a friend. He's still paying attention and watching over us even if he's not clicking his fingers to make everything 'right' in an instant. The pain doesn't leave but it is tempered with hope.
And remember, we as people do tend to be in a hurry. I want God to do everything now. I don't want to see this person suffer any longer. Surely we've waited long enough now. But Abraham and Sarah waited many years for the promise to be fulfilled, and the Israelites wandered for 40 years in the desert. Imagine how long that seemed... We may not even see the answers while we walk on Earth but that does not mean God doesn't have it sorted.
One thing my pastor often says is that God likes to build the drama. It's like a really good book or film, where the hero comes through at the last possible minute to make the victory even more spectacular. If the hero came in when the situation was still salvageable how much glory would he get? Our God can do the impossible and sometimes wants to show us that. Sometimes he wants to draw us closer to him as we seek him and pursue him for an answer. Sometimes 'bad things' just happen to 'Christians' and 'non-Christians' alike - shock horror, I know - God doesn't owe us anything and we as humans have no right to an easy and carefree life. In fact I know I do appreciate the good times more because of the bad times, and it is mostly in the bad times that I do seek God with determination.
This has turned into a bit of a long rambly post. To summarise, God does not always come through straight away, and it often isn't in the way we expect (how many times has a situation resolved differently from how you would have liked, only for you to look back in the future and see how it was for the best?), but he is always listening, and he is always doing something. All we can do is trust, sometimes have a rant at him, sometimes cry our eyes out before him, sometimes wait patiently, sometimes seek fervently, and sometimes just lay down before him without any words left at all.
I rarely know why things happen, but experience is teaching me that he really does love me (and all of us). Not only that, he loves us perfectly and knows us perfectly and that is enough for me to trust him with each of those situations today. Tomorrow he will give me new strength to trust and hope again.
There are several situations in my life right now where I really desperately need him to come through. And he hasn't. At least as far as I see it. This is an issue which has often been ignored, certainly in some areas of Christianity I have come across. There is a lot of pressure to trust and believe and expect the seemingly impossible healing, setting free, renewal or whatever it is we need, but nobody tells us what to do when we have invested everything and nothing seems to have happened.
When we see no change in a painful situation it hurts. When there is nothing we can do to change things other than pray, it seems hopeless.
(Interestingly, as I write these words I am also realising how we can subconsciously look on prayer as a less useful thing to do in a difficult situation. It can seem like prayer is a last resort: 'I've done everything I can do so I'll just have to fall back on prayer as a last hope that something might happen'. Offering somebody prayer can feel less 'useful' than offering them practical support.
Now I know that both prayer and practical support are vital, and when friends stand with someone in need both spiritually and practically it is a beautiful partnership that brings glory to God. Either one without the other is likely to be insufficient, but sometimes practical support is not possible, so then we can pray all the more. Prayer is not less useful. It is not airy-fairy. It is not a cop-out or admitting defeat. Actually it kind of is admitting defeat. It's saying to God 'I can't do this on my own. Please come through for me.')
So what do I do when I have prayed and tried to help and tried to help and prayed, and then prayed some more and nothing seems to change?
It's a horrible answer but it's all I've got and I'm pretty sure it's what our loving God wants us to do: wait. Wait, pray and seek him. Pursue our relationship with him, or if we can't manage that because we're so spent, cling on to the rock of hope. 'God I trust you' is sometimes all we can manage but it is all that is necessary (more on this in part 5).
And it turns out not to be horrible actually. As we wait we can watch out for the little things that he does for us day to day: the first flowers of Spring coming out, the laughter of children playing, a beautiful sunset (or sunrise if you're the early morning type...), a smile from a friend. He's still paying attention and watching over us even if he's not clicking his fingers to make everything 'right' in an instant. The pain doesn't leave but it is tempered with hope.
And remember, we as people do tend to be in a hurry. I want God to do everything now. I don't want to see this person suffer any longer. Surely we've waited long enough now. But Abraham and Sarah waited many years for the promise to be fulfilled, and the Israelites wandered for 40 years in the desert. Imagine how long that seemed... We may not even see the answers while we walk on Earth but that does not mean God doesn't have it sorted.
One thing my pastor often says is that God likes to build the drama. It's like a really good book or film, where the hero comes through at the last possible minute to make the victory even more spectacular. If the hero came in when the situation was still salvageable how much glory would he get? Our God can do the impossible and sometimes wants to show us that. Sometimes he wants to draw us closer to him as we seek him and pursue him for an answer. Sometimes 'bad things' just happen to 'Christians' and 'non-Christians' alike - shock horror, I know - God doesn't owe us anything and we as humans have no right to an easy and carefree life. In fact I know I do appreciate the good times more because of the bad times, and it is mostly in the bad times that I do seek God with determination.
This has turned into a bit of a long rambly post. To summarise, God does not always come through straight away, and it often isn't in the way we expect (how many times has a situation resolved differently from how you would have liked, only for you to look back in the future and see how it was for the best?), but he is always listening, and he is always doing something. All we can do is trust, sometimes have a rant at him, sometimes cry our eyes out before him, sometimes wait patiently, sometimes seek fervently, and sometimes just lay down before him without any words left at all.
I rarely know why things happen, but experience is teaching me that he really does love me (and all of us). Not only that, he loves us perfectly and knows us perfectly and that is enough for me to trust him with each of those situations today. Tomorrow he will give me new strength to trust and hope again.
Saturday, 30 March 2013
Sufficient: Is God sufficient and does he come through?
You probably know which answer I'm going to be leaning towards on this one. Although it isn't always when or how we imagined (more on this in the next post), God really is sufficient for every circumstance in which we find ourselves. I know this sounds like a textbook answer and I always found it unsatisfactory when other people said it to me. It felt like they were saying 'if you just have more faith it'll be fine' or even palming me off with this answer because they didn't care enough to really engage with the issue and to stand with me.
And I know that this will probably sound like that to some of you, because until I personally experienced it, it seemed like a very nice idea but life didn't seem to match up. I didn't feel like my faith was up to actually believing the impossible, and it just seemed like words. I suppose my answer to that is ask God to show you. I was given that answer too, and felt much the same about it, but we really do just have to keep asking, keeping trusting, even if it feels like we're barely clinging on by our fingernails. God knows, and he comes through at the perfect time.
He came through for Sarah when she could bear no children.
He came through for Joseph when he was sent into slavery by his brothers.
He came through for the Israelites when they were exiled in Egypt.
He came through for Job after all of his trials.
He came through for Daniel in the lions' den.
He came through for Peter when he walked on the water.
He came through for the sick, demon-possessed and rejected when he came in human form.
I could list countless examples but I will let you do that yourselves!
He came through for Jesus when he raised him from the grave, and more than that, he has come through for every one of us who comes to him. We are still in a battle, but Jesus has won the victory and defeated sin and death. It is finished.
He comes through for me every day, if I care to notice it. He gives me grace to deal with others and myself. He provides for me practically and spiritually. He is a rock to lean on when I can no longer stand, and the glimmer of light and hope in the darkness.
I have struggled writing this post because I know it can just sound like empty words, but please believe me when I say from experience that it really is truth. Redemption wins. He is enough. He can deal with whatever we throw at him and still love us, and he can come through in the most impossible situation.
And I know that this will probably sound like that to some of you, because until I personally experienced it, it seemed like a very nice idea but life didn't seem to match up. I didn't feel like my faith was up to actually believing the impossible, and it just seemed like words. I suppose my answer to that is ask God to show you. I was given that answer too, and felt much the same about it, but we really do just have to keep asking, keeping trusting, even if it feels like we're barely clinging on by our fingernails. God knows, and he comes through at the perfect time.
He came through for Sarah when she could bear no children.
He came through for Joseph when he was sent into slavery by his brothers.
He came through for the Israelites when they were exiled in Egypt.
He came through for Job after all of his trials.
He came through for Daniel in the lions' den.
He came through for Peter when he walked on the water.
He came through for the sick, demon-possessed and rejected when he came in human form.
I could list countless examples but I will let you do that yourselves!
He came through for Jesus when he raised him from the grave, and more than that, he has come through for every one of us who comes to him. We are still in a battle, but Jesus has won the victory and defeated sin and death. It is finished.
He comes through for me every day, if I care to notice it. He gives me grace to deal with others and myself. He provides for me practically and spiritually. He is a rock to lean on when I can no longer stand, and the glimmer of light and hope in the darkness.
I have struggled writing this post because I know it can just sound like empty words, but please believe me when I say from experience that it really is truth. Redemption wins. He is enough. He can deal with whatever we throw at him and still love us, and he can come through in the most impossible situation.
Friday, 29 March 2013
Sufficient: What does it mean?
Well, writing this blog is proving to be interesting, and is definitely fulfilling the aim of making me look into things more thoroughly. It turns out the God is not actually described much in the Bible as being sufficient. The verse I previously quoted (2 Cor 12:9 My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness) is the closest we get, and seems to be speaking of God's power and faithfulness to come through in glory through our weakness. Other mentions of''sufficient', 'enough' and so on seem mostly to be referring to humans' provisions and circumstances or the ending of a season (this is enough; time to move on). Unless of course I have missed an obvious search. Feel free to correct me if you are more theologically minded!
Our concept of God's sufficiency has clearly come from somewhere, though, and we see throughout the Bible how he has provided in every way for his people through history (more on this in the next post). Perhaps a more useful way to look at the meaning of 'sufficient' and 'enough' is to look at the dependence of people upon the all-sufficient source.
Here we have more luck! The Hebrew word שׁען is used 22 times through the Old Testament, nearly always describing a reliance on something (usually God) for indispensable support.
Were not the Ethiopians and the Lubims a huge host, with very many chariots and horsemen? yet, because thou didst rely on the LORD, he delivered them into thine hand. 2 Chronicles 16:8
And Asa cried unto the LORD his God, and said, LORD, it is nothing with thee to help, whether with many, or with them that have no power: help us, O LORD our God; for we rest on thee, and in thy name we go against this multitude. O LORD, thou art our God; let not man prevail against thee. 2 Chronicles 14:11
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5
Who is among you that feareth the LORD, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness, and hath no light? let him trust in the name of the LORD, and stay upon his God. Isaiah 50:10
And it shall come to pass in that day, that the remnant of Israel, and such as are escaped of the house of Jacob, shall no more again stay upon him that smote them; but shall stay upon the LORD, the Holy One of Israel, in truth. Isaiah 10:20
So, the sufficient one who is always enough is he on whom we are to depend. He is the solid rock; our hope, our light in the darkness, and the grace to cover all our sins.
And it doesn't stop there. It's not like God is just enough for us to get by. No; he does it in abundance, with a flourish, for his glory because we are treasure to him. This is what I realised a couple of weeks ago when he once again prodded me to remember that he is sufficient. He knows my every need better than I do myself and meets it every time in ways I really could not imagine!
Our concept of God's sufficiency has clearly come from somewhere, though, and we see throughout the Bible how he has provided in every way for his people through history (more on this in the next post). Perhaps a more useful way to look at the meaning of 'sufficient' and 'enough' is to look at the dependence of people upon the all-sufficient source.
Here we have more luck! The Hebrew word שׁען is used 22 times through the Old Testament, nearly always describing a reliance on something (usually God) for indispensable support.
Were not the Ethiopians and the Lubims a huge host, with very many chariots and horsemen? yet, because thou didst rely on the LORD, he delivered them into thine hand. 2 Chronicles 16:8
And Asa cried unto the LORD his God, and said, LORD, it is nothing with thee to help, whether with many, or with them that have no power: help us, O LORD our God; for we rest on thee, and in thy name we go against this multitude. O LORD, thou art our God; let not man prevail against thee. 2 Chronicles 14:11
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5
Who is among you that feareth the LORD, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness, and hath no light? let him trust in the name of the LORD, and stay upon his God. Isaiah 50:10
And it shall come to pass in that day, that the remnant of Israel, and such as are escaped of the house of Jacob, shall no more again stay upon him that smote them; but shall stay upon the LORD, the Holy One of Israel, in truth. Isaiah 10:20
So, the sufficient one who is always enough is he on whom we are to depend. He is the solid rock; our hope, our light in the darkness, and the grace to cover all our sins.
And it doesn't stop there. It's not like God is just enough for us to get by. No; he does it in abundance, with a flourish, for his glory because we are treasure to him. This is what I realised a couple of weeks ago when he once again prodded me to remember that he is sufficient. He knows my every need better than I do myself and meets it every time in ways I really could not imagine!
Sufficient (Intro)
We've all heard it so many times we don't even think about it. God is sufficient. For what? My every need. My grace is sufficient for thee (2 Cor 12:9). But do we actually believe this? Do we believe it in every area of our lives? Do we live as if it is true or do we go around trying to fulfil our own needs? Do we trust God to provide for us?
This is a subject he keeps bringing me back to again and again, so I'm beginning to get the idea that perhaps it's just a little bit important. Maybe.
It seems to be becoming quite a large topic in my head so I think this will turn into a series of posts. So far the questions/points I'm planning to look into are these:
What does 'sufficient' mean?
Is God sufficient and does he always come through?
What if he hasn't come through?
Can he really provide in every area of my life?
Letting go and trusting him to be enough.
I realise that some of these sound quite similar, and of course they will overlap a bit but each has been raised in me by a slightly different line of thought. I also want to say at this point that this (and my blog in general) is not going to be some 'got it all together, I have the answers, Jesus loves me let's all just be happy' put it in a nutshell kind of thing. I think I am more about questions than answers, and I am still struggling and wrestling with a lot of the things I will be dealing with in this series. There's a reason he keeps bringing me back to it, and it's not to remind me of how great I am!
This is a subject he keeps bringing me back to again and again, so I'm beginning to get the idea that perhaps it's just a little bit important. Maybe.
It seems to be becoming quite a large topic in my head so I think this will turn into a series of posts. So far the questions/points I'm planning to look into are these:
What does 'sufficient' mean?
Is God sufficient and does he always come through?
What if he hasn't come through?
Can he really provide in every area of my life?
Letting go and trusting him to be enough.
I realise that some of these sound quite similar, and of course they will overlap a bit but each has been raised in me by a slightly different line of thought. I also want to say at this point that this (and my blog in general) is not going to be some 'got it all together, I have the answers, Jesus loves me let's all just be happy' put it in a nutshell kind of thing. I think I am more about questions than answers, and I am still struggling and wrestling with a lot of the things I will be dealing with in this series. There's a reason he keeps bringing me back to it, and it's not to remind me of how great I am!
Wednesday, 27 March 2013
Dependence
Apologies in advance, because this post is rather a train of thought so probably a bit disjointed.
I am an interesting mixture of dependence and independence. Given the option, I hide behind other people. On those occasions where I can't get out of a social occasion, I have a tendency to attach myself to somebody with whom I am comfortable and follow his or her lead. Until recently I had very little confidence in who I was as a person and depended on others to define me and affirm me.
On the flipside, I can be very independent when I need to. I can manage my life very well on my own. I have a job and hobbies, and a few good friends and everything works quite nicely. I don't need anybody else for my life to work and I can quite happily up sticks and move to a foreign country where I don't know a soul.
Reading this back and thinking about my life, it seems very strange to see the complete dependence in some areas and complete independence in others. I can't quite make sense of it.
Now I have tended to slightly despise the dependent part of my nature. In the culture where I grew up there is a pressure to be independent. We are supposed to make our own choices, know what we want and be prepared to get it. Dependence is weakness. Unfortunately this does not come even slightly instinctively for me, and, through letting others define me, I have always felt there is something wrong with me because I wasn't independent.
Over the last few years I have begun to discover who I am, which has been amazingly freeing, but I have still felt the nagging need to be even more independent than I have become. Then one day, it clicked. (Although I'm sure I've been told many times before) I don't need to be independent; I need to depend on him, and him alone. My inclination to dependence is only weakness when it is focussed on the wrong source.
What do you depend on? Or do you need to learn to let go and be more dependent?
I am an interesting mixture of dependence and independence. Given the option, I hide behind other people. On those occasions where I can't get out of a social occasion, I have a tendency to attach myself to somebody with whom I am comfortable and follow his or her lead. Until recently I had very little confidence in who I was as a person and depended on others to define me and affirm me.
On the flipside, I can be very independent when I need to. I can manage my life very well on my own. I have a job and hobbies, and a few good friends and everything works quite nicely. I don't need anybody else for my life to work and I can quite happily up sticks and move to a foreign country where I don't know a soul.
Reading this back and thinking about my life, it seems very strange to see the complete dependence in some areas and complete independence in others. I can't quite make sense of it.
Now I have tended to slightly despise the dependent part of my nature. In the culture where I grew up there is a pressure to be independent. We are supposed to make our own choices, know what we want and be prepared to get it. Dependence is weakness. Unfortunately this does not come even slightly instinctively for me, and, through letting others define me, I have always felt there is something wrong with me because I wasn't independent.
Over the last few years I have begun to discover who I am, which has been amazingly freeing, but I have still felt the nagging need to be even more independent than I have become. Then one day, it clicked. (Although I'm sure I've been told many times before) I don't need to be independent; I need to depend on him, and him alone. My inclination to dependence is only weakness when it is focussed on the wrong source.
What do you depend on? Or do you need to learn to let go and be more dependent?
Presence (pt II)
Just to add, to yesterday's post the aspect I hinted at but glossed over, presence is just as vital in our relationship with God. In case you hadn't figured that out. Now we know that he always gives us his presence when we engage with him (and indeed it is in us and part us us constantly, if we choose to be attuned to it), but what kind of presence do we give him?
Do we truly come with unguarded and undistracted attention? How often? For how long? If the people our maker put around us value our presence, how much more does he himself yearn to dwell with us and in us, and us in him? Presence, I think, is the essence of true fellowship in all our relationships.
Do we truly come with unguarded and undistracted attention? How often? For how long? If the people our maker put around us value our presence, how much more does he himself yearn to dwell with us and in us, and us in him? Presence, I think, is the essence of true fellowship in all our relationships.
Tuesday, 26 March 2013
Presence
So, there are some bigger topics I want to post on that God has been teaching me about recently, but also a couple of things I want to mention from earlier in the year that have really struck me so I'll do those now and wait for the weekend to work on the other things.
This quote from Stasi Eldredge in Captivating really stuck out to me as something very relevant to me in my daily life, and I think increasingly important as the world becomes more and more virtual:
The gift of presence is a rare and beautiful gift. To come - unguarded, undistracted - and be fully engaged with whoever we are with at that moment.
When I spend time with someone and come away feeling unsatisfied, it is usually because I, or they, have not been truly present. Equally, the most fulfilling encounters happen when people are truly spending their time with each other, listening, sharing, genuinely caring.
This applies from the most mundane of times to the most important. I work with children, and previously to reading this had been getting frustrated and bored in my job. Nothing seemed that exciting, the children began to play up at times, and it just didn't seem fun or worthwhile any more. The moment I read these two sentences it clicked: I was no longer present with them. I was depriving them of what they needed to thrive by letting my own thoughts and presence wander to what seemed important in my life at the time.
A friend at the time also said in an unrelated conversation 'you get out what you put in', and, though we have all heard it so many times, it really is true. When I start investing in those children, connecting with them, being present with them, we all enjoy it and those times becomes precious treasures in our memories.
I don't have it all sorted, and I need to be reminded of this every day (just revisiting it to write this post is teaching me all over again and it was only a few weeks ago!), but I am beginning to learn that there is nothing more important to be thinking about than how I am interacting each moment with the people present with me. Presence is one of the greatest gifts that can be given or received, and you need no qualification, no finances, no high profile or great calling to give it. Just you, whoever you are.
This quote from Stasi Eldredge in Captivating really stuck out to me as something very relevant to me in my daily life, and I think increasingly important as the world becomes more and more virtual:
The gift of presence is a rare and beautiful gift. To come - unguarded, undistracted - and be fully engaged with whoever we are with at that moment.
When I spend time with someone and come away feeling unsatisfied, it is usually because I, or they, have not been truly present. Equally, the most fulfilling encounters happen when people are truly spending their time with each other, listening, sharing, genuinely caring.
This applies from the most mundane of times to the most important. I work with children, and previously to reading this had been getting frustrated and bored in my job. Nothing seemed that exciting, the children began to play up at times, and it just didn't seem fun or worthwhile any more. The moment I read these two sentences it clicked: I was no longer present with them. I was depriving them of what they needed to thrive by letting my own thoughts and presence wander to what seemed important in my life at the time.
A friend at the time also said in an unrelated conversation 'you get out what you put in', and, though we have all heard it so many times, it really is true. When I start investing in those children, connecting with them, being present with them, we all enjoy it and those times becomes precious treasures in our memories.
I don't have it all sorted, and I need to be reminded of this every day (just revisiting it to write this post is teaching me all over again and it was only a few weeks ago!), but I am beginning to learn that there is nothing more important to be thinking about than how I am interacting each moment with the people present with me. Presence is one of the greatest gifts that can be given or received, and you need no qualification, no finances, no high profile or great calling to give it. Just you, whoever you are.
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