A long overdue post. Life has been very busy recently with all sorts of things being thrown at me - hard things and fantastically exciting things. God has been and is is still being (and showing me more and more that is is) completely faithful and teaching me much. Recently we have been going through Proverbs in our Sunday evening services which brought out this verse a number of weeks ago which seemed interesting to me. On my own I have been reading 1 and 2 Chronicles and when I read chapters 10 and 11 of 2 Chronicles over the last couple of days it brought back the verse from Proverbs 16 to me and got me thinking about wisdom, advice and humility.
Proverbs 16:2 (and 21:2) All a man's ways seem right to him...
We always think we are making the right or wise decision, otherwise we wouldn't decide that.
But we know that sometimes when we look back, when someone suggested an alternative route they might have had some insight that we did not see or value at the time. With our knowledge at the time what they said didn't seem to make sense or apply to our particular circumstances, but with hindsight we realise that their words were wise and usually that they came from experience.
As human beings we learn by doing, not by being told. As I have mentioned before, there are many things that I have thought that I've known, but until I have experienced them truly myself I have not understood properly. I think wisdom is like this as well. We think we know best and that no-one else can understand our situation like we do (which they can't, because even if they've been through something similar it will never have been quite the same, and they haven't been us going through that situation) and we discount their advice or think it doesn't apply to us. In retrospect, when we come out the other side of a choice or a change, we realise that if we had really taken the time to humbly listen we could have applied their wisdom to our situation. But we had to learn it by ourselves rather than just have them tell us.
I am beginning to think that the beginning of having wisdom is to be able to skip this step and to take advice. To know that other people have already learned by experience and they are telling us something because it may genuinely inform our decision. To admit that I may not always know best, but that somebody who has seen more of life than I have might have an insight to my situation.
When we are unsure or have a big decision to make that will affect others, where do we turn to for advice?
In 2 Chronicles 10 we see Rehoboam faced with a decision about how to deal with his subjects in the the north who want the 'heavy yoke' Solomon placed on them relieving. Rehoboam first goes to the older men who counselled his father Solomon and they advise him to be good to the people and they will serve him willingly.
This doesn't fit with what Rehoboam has in mind (perhaps he wants to make sure people don't think they can run rings around him as he takes over from his father - he already seems to be on the defensive feeling that he has to rule them with power to draw respect from them (this will be a negative 'fear' respect) rather than earning their respect with gentleness and wisdom (a wholesome, healthy loving respect)) and so he hoes and asks his own advisors: the young men who had grown up with him.
And of course they say the same as he is thinking. Go in and show them who's boss. Which would have made sense from their point of view. It may have seemed like the only way to deal with people he was worried would revolt against him. But in the end they revolted anyway, for he commanded neither a positive Godly respect from them nor a negative 'fear' respect.
Had he come to the dilemma with humility and realised that his instinctive approach may not be the most effective, the great split in his kingdom could have been avoided. Had he valued the life experience of the older men, especially as he knew they had witnessed and been part of his father's great wisdom, he could have begun his own journey in gaining wisdom by being able to accept others' experiences without having to learn the lesson by making his own mistakes.
So my question is: how should we make our choices? On our own? Sometimes this works, but remember that all a man's ways seem right to him - sometimes we are to close to something to look at it objectively.
Seek counsel? For a tough decision and one that will affect others, I think this is the only way forward, but from whom should we seek counsel?
The young men from whom Rehoboam sought counsel could not give him good advice because they were standing in the same place as him. They had the same life experience. They were the same age and had grown up together so they had no extra insights to add. He may as well not have bothered asking. (But maybe he had to so it looked like he wasn't just doing his own thing. We should be wary of shopping around for advice fits what we want - someone to make us feel like what we want to do is ok)
It's like if a group of tourists are lost in a city where they have never been before. They are surrounded by tall buildings and are looking for the waterfront. It is the leader's responsibility to get them there. Is he wise just to pretend he knows the way and guess, possibly leading them in the opposite direction? Is he wise to ask the other tourists with him, who are standing in the same place and have also never been there before? They could take a vote and it would be democratic, but no more likely that they get there.
No, he would be wise to ask the person looking out of a window half way up a building, who has a better view, or even better, somebody who has lived in the city for a long time, who definitely knows the way.
How much do we respect our elders and their experiences of life? Do we treat them as a weight to carry in our life or our church? Or do we come to them with humility and listen to their wisdom? Do we seek them out when we have a dilemma to see if they can shed some light on it?
Is wisdom knowing the way? Is it walking doggedly in what we think is the right direction but not checking with anyone? Or is it admitting that we aren't sure, and seeing whether anyone has some insight? We might have been right anyway, in which case no harm is done, or we might be shown a signpost to the right way and be saved a lot of trouble and pain.
I know I respect those who I see showing wisdom, and hunting out the truth and the good choice, even if it means swallowing their pride or taking the longer, more difficult route.
I pray that God would make me into one of those people.
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