Sufficient: Letting go and trusting him to be enough

This is the most difficult bit. My head knows that he is enough. Experience has shown me that he is enough. His word tells me that he is enough. And still I struggle to let go and have peace in the knowledge that the Lord of all, my creator, really has it all in hand.

Is it because I know that he is unlikely to just make everything a walk in the park (it's not just me that isn't a fan of trials, effort, pain, right?)? That I am a control freak who wants to sort things out by herself? That I am not closely enough in communion with him to have a constant conviction that it really is true? That I don't really think he could care that much about someone like me?

Any or all of the above, I suppose. Of course I couldn't count the number of times I've been told that we are all on a journey and that only when God's masterpieces are fulfilled at resurrection will we be all that we hope for, but I am not a patient person. I get so frustrated that I can't just be what I want to be right now. I suppose that is another thing I should let go of and trust him for. After all, he died for me because I am not perfect and couldn't be on my own. The whole point of his being sufficient is my insufficiency.

I just have to ask him to help me let go and trust him to be enough, because in my head I know that he is. Little by little, I can give one more thing to him, not saying that this doesn't matter to me any more, but that it matters greatly and I trust him to deal perfectly with it, knowing me perfectly. Then I have to try not to take it back from him again. 'I long for this, but I trust you' is a prayer I seem to pray a lot at the moment.

I warn you though: it seems that every time I pray one of those reckless prayers (draw me closer to you, teach me to let go and trust you more, help me to depend on you) he answers. This shouldn't surprise me - he is after all a faithful God. But the trouble is, he doesn't just give us more faith, more longing for him, more joy, more hope; he gives us the opportunity to develop it. Which is rarely comfortable. So beware that if you pray prayers like that, he is liable to take you at your word!

Finally, having spent a while thinking about God's sufficiency and considering his unfailing faithfulness, I need to note one last thing. It is marvellous that he is sufficient to cover my sins, use my weakness, make up for my failings and come through for me in times of need and despair, but this is not the whole story. It's not actually about me. When I focus on him and hear of who he is - his glory, his might, his love, his grace - it is not me that matters, for he is worthy of all praise no matter what my situation.