Saturday, 31 August 2013

He knows me

Here's another theme that keeps popping up and eventually popped up enough times that I got round to writing about it.

The obvious place to start on this one is Psalm 139.

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. 
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.

For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb. 
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:1-6, 13-14 (ESV)

I have always loved this Psalm (go away and read the whole thing - I have tried to just pick the bits most relevant to what I am saying here to keep the post short-ish) because it speaks of how deeply God knows us, better than we do ourselves and how he walks with us no matter what. But it was another of those ideas that I thought I understood and liked and then he came along and brought it to life, like at the end of the Narnia books where they realise that everything so far has just been a shadow.

The difference between the old Narnia and the new Narnia was like [this:] The new one was a deeper country: every rock and flower and blade of grass looked as if it meant more. I can't describe it any better than that: if you ever get there you will know what I mean.
C.S. Lewis The Last Battle

He has been doing this with various themes for a while now and I love it! When he gives an insight to something I thought I knew, or something I wished I could understand more, it is such a beautiful gift, because those are gems I could never find or make for myself. They are his gracious gifts, tailored just for me because he knows me perfectly, a gesture from one who loves me. And I also know that I will spend eternity coming to know all sorts of things and even the same things over and over again, more and more deeply as I search the infinite riches of Christ.

Anyway, tangent over, I will return to the subject on hand. He knows me. Because I am the kind of person who finds it very difficult to express what is going on inside of me, I find this hugely comforting. This line from a wonderful German worship song really brings home to me his closeness and the safety and release in that.

'Du zeigst dich uns als ewig treuer Freund, und weisst genau wie unser Herz es meint' (you show yourself to us as faithful Friend and know exactly how our heart means it)
Lothar Kosse Immer mehr von dir

No matter how many times I am misunderstood by other people, he knows exactly what was in my heart. Generally in those situations I will not try to defend myself because it is just not worth it, and it is actually the fact that the truth is not accepted or acknowledged and that someone thinks that I would intend whatever they thought I meant that really hurts. How great the comfort in knowing that he understands.
Of course that works both ways. I can't pull the wool over his eyes about my motivation or inner state. But how unbelievable that he loves me anyway! He knows all there is to know and chooses to work in me no matter how many times I fail, fall, walk away, disobey. In fact he chose to create me, knowing exactly how I would turn out.

He also knows my potential. He knows how he made me to be and how his masterpiece will one day be fulfilled. This is good news because I have little to no idea how he plans to use me or what potential he has hidden away in there!

The realisation that actually triggered me to write this post, however, was that because he knows me perfectly, he knows how I work, how mit mir umzugehen (I think that roughly translates how to deal with me, but I like the German phrase better). This means that I don't need to get het up about seeking his will. If I am loving him and abiding in him he knows how to make clear what he wants of me and will honour my prayers that he keep me in his way, showing what he would have me do and what he would have me change. Not that I ever thought he was, but he's not trying to be secretive or trick me - he knows exactly what and how he needs to communicate with me and will not leave me far away from him. He hems me in behind and before and if I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there his hand shall lead me, and his right hand shall hold me. (Ps 139 again)

Not sure whether I have really communicated what I was hoping to, but I have definitely organised some of my thoughts and I pray that he would bring these things alive to you in the way that is best for you to truly know them.

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