My friend's little nugget of information (see previous post: another-quick-thought-on-wisdom) also put my mind at rest about another worry I have had, of being concerned when I use certain words or phrases or advice that can easily sound like jargon and empty words. I have a strong reaction to Christianese, jargon and lightly-used words, due in large part to some of my past. I don't like hearing them from others unless I know that person well and know they understand and mean what they are talking about. So I definitely don't like to use them on other people; I prefer to find a way of explaining what I mean in meaningful words rather than using words that people have become almost immune to (eg. blessing, hope, peace, wisdom).
But once I have been through one of those moments where a layer of understanding is revealed, sometimes those words/phrases/pieces of advice take on a new (or rather, their actual) meaning and seem the best and most succinct way of expressing something and then I am presented with a dilemma. Use the word or not? I used to almost invariably stick with explaining my way around it, but through this little revelation of my friend, I have realised that even though someone may not understand now, they might get what I truly mean at some point. I still prefer to explain, because I don't want to end up using the words lightly, and I want to make people really think about what I'm saying and what it means rather than just hearing a well-used word and thinking they understand what it entails, but it's OK to use the words for the concepts I now understand (a bit more - sure there is plenty more to learn!) sometimes too.
Thursday, 16 January 2014
Another quick thought on wisdom
I was talking to a very good friend the other day about my frustration with having to spend so long growing in wisdom. How I can see how good Z looks when right now I am at A or B or C and I want a shortcut that doesn't involve D, E, F and particularly Q. Q is something I really want to avoid. But I might just have to go through it to get to Z.
In my previous post (seeking-wisdom-with-humility) I commented that perhaps being wise was being able to take advice and use others' experience to help make good decisions and this was another thing I was discussing with this friend: how frustrating it is that sometimes I have had advice or a wise word from somebody and have spent time seeking to make sure I take the advice so I don't have to look back in retrospect and only then understand, and yet I still end up looking back in retrospect and only then understanding.
She said something very wise and valuable to me. Sometimes it is only because somebody has previously said it to us that we recognise it when it does come round. I had got so involved in wanting wisdom and wanting it now that I was at risk of devaluing the journey. I need to seek, listen to and heed people's wise words and advice, but I will most likely still have to go through H, K, S and even W because they are needed to shape me as a person.
And I think that is what will then make me able to pass on wise words to others as I get older: the fact that I have been through this things and learned from experience, rather than that somebody once told me this and it seemed to work. Somebody told me this, and I thought it made sense, then I had to use it and found out it really does work. Only this second path of experience will hold enough weight to persuade the next person along the line that the idea is worth considering, and for them to then remember and apply it at the appropriate moment in their life.
In my previous post (seeking-wisdom-with-humility) I commented that perhaps being wise was being able to take advice and use others' experience to help make good decisions and this was another thing I was discussing with this friend: how frustrating it is that sometimes I have had advice or a wise word from somebody and have spent time seeking to make sure I take the advice so I don't have to look back in retrospect and only then understand, and yet I still end up looking back in retrospect and only then understanding.
She said something very wise and valuable to me. Sometimes it is only because somebody has previously said it to us that we recognise it when it does come round. I had got so involved in wanting wisdom and wanting it now that I was at risk of devaluing the journey. I need to seek, listen to and heed people's wise words and advice, but I will most likely still have to go through H, K, S and even W because they are needed to shape me as a person.
And I think that is what will then make me able to pass on wise words to others as I get older: the fact that I have been through this things and learned from experience, rather than that somebody once told me this and it seemed to work. Somebody told me this, and I thought it made sense, then I had to use it and found out it really does work. Only this second path of experience will hold enough weight to persuade the next person along the line that the idea is worth considering, and for them to then remember and apply it at the appropriate moment in their life.
Monday, 23 December 2013
Wisdom and advice postscript
I just wanted to add something that I meant to mention in my previous post. I have emphasised quite strongly the wisdom we can glean from those who are older than us, but I should also point out that not every older person will give us wise advice, and not every younger person won't.
The important question is to ask 'whose opinions do I value and respect?' There will be some who seem to make wise choices in life, perhaps who often seem to have a timely word; someone who has a proven track record of living in integrity and wisdom. Perhaps the most important thing is that you go someone who you know will tell you truth, whether it is easy or not. It is easy to ask those who we think will say what we want them to say, but when I am working on a really tough decision, the input I value is from people who will point out the tricky implications of each possibility and will not spare me from what hurts if I need to hear it.
So yes, seek out someone older and someone with more experience of life and particularly of the issue you are dealing with, but don't ask any old person; it must be someone you know to be built on a solid foundation, who is not easily shaken, who deals in truth and walks in step with the source of all wisdom.
The important question is to ask 'whose opinions do I value and respect?' There will be some who seem to make wise choices in life, perhaps who often seem to have a timely word; someone who has a proven track record of living in integrity and wisdom. Perhaps the most important thing is that you go someone who you know will tell you truth, whether it is easy or not. It is easy to ask those who we think will say what we want them to say, but when I am working on a really tough decision, the input I value is from people who will point out the tricky implications of each possibility and will not spare me from what hurts if I need to hear it.
So yes, seek out someone older and someone with more experience of life and particularly of the issue you are dealing with, but don't ask any old person; it must be someone you know to be built on a solid foundation, who is not easily shaken, who deals in truth and walks in step with the source of all wisdom.
Sunday, 22 December 2013
Seeking wisdom with humility
A long overdue post. Life has been very busy recently with all sorts of things being thrown at me - hard things and fantastically exciting things. God has been and is is still being (and showing me more and more that is is) completely faithful and teaching me much. Recently we have been going through Proverbs in our Sunday evening services which brought out this verse a number of weeks ago which seemed interesting to me. On my own I have been reading 1 and 2 Chronicles and when I read chapters 10 and 11 of 2 Chronicles over the last couple of days it brought back the verse from Proverbs 16 to me and got me thinking about wisdom, advice and humility.
Proverbs 16:2 (and 21:2) All a man's ways seem right to him...
We always think we are making the right or wise decision, otherwise we wouldn't decide that.
But we know that sometimes when we look back, when someone suggested an alternative route they might have had some insight that we did not see or value at the time. With our knowledge at the time what they said didn't seem to make sense or apply to our particular circumstances, but with hindsight we realise that their words were wise and usually that they came from experience.
As human beings we learn by doing, not by being told. As I have mentioned before, there are many things that I have thought that I've known, but until I have experienced them truly myself I have not understood properly. I think wisdom is like this as well. We think we know best and that no-one else can understand our situation like we do (which they can't, because even if they've been through something similar it will never have been quite the same, and they haven't been us going through that situation) and we discount their advice or think it doesn't apply to us. In retrospect, when we come out the other side of a choice or a change, we realise that if we had really taken the time to humbly listen we could have applied their wisdom to our situation. But we had to learn it by ourselves rather than just have them tell us.
I am beginning to think that the beginning of having wisdom is to be able to skip this step and to take advice. To know that other people have already learned by experience and they are telling us something because it may genuinely inform our decision. To admit that I may not always know best, but that somebody who has seen more of life than I have might have an insight to my situation.
When we are unsure or have a big decision to make that will affect others, where do we turn to for advice?
In 2 Chronicles 10 we see Rehoboam faced with a decision about how to deal with his subjects in the the north who want the 'heavy yoke' Solomon placed on them relieving. Rehoboam first goes to the older men who counselled his father Solomon and they advise him to be good to the people and they will serve him willingly.
This doesn't fit with what Rehoboam has in mind (perhaps he wants to make sure people don't think they can run rings around him as he takes over from his father - he already seems to be on the defensive feeling that he has to rule them with power to draw respect from them (this will be a negative 'fear' respect) rather than earning their respect with gentleness and wisdom (a wholesome, healthy loving respect)) and so he hoes and asks his own advisors: the young men who had grown up with him.
And of course they say the same as he is thinking. Go in and show them who's boss. Which would have made sense from their point of view. It may have seemed like the only way to deal with people he was worried would revolt against him. But in the end they revolted anyway, for he commanded neither a positive Godly respect from them nor a negative 'fear' respect.
Had he come to the dilemma with humility and realised that his instinctive approach may not be the most effective, the great split in his kingdom could have been avoided. Had he valued the life experience of the older men, especially as he knew they had witnessed and been part of his father's great wisdom, he could have begun his own journey in gaining wisdom by being able to accept others' experiences without having to learn the lesson by making his own mistakes.
So my question is: how should we make our choices? On our own? Sometimes this works, but remember that all a man's ways seem right to him - sometimes we are to close to something to look at it objectively.
Seek counsel? For a tough decision and one that will affect others, I think this is the only way forward, but from whom should we seek counsel?
The young men from whom Rehoboam sought counsel could not give him good advice because they were standing in the same place as him. They had the same life experience. They were the same age and had grown up together so they had no extra insights to add. He may as well not have bothered asking. (But maybe he had to so it looked like he wasn't just doing his own thing. We should be wary of shopping around for advice fits what we want - someone to make us feel like what we want to do is ok)
It's like if a group of tourists are lost in a city where they have never been before. They are surrounded by tall buildings and are looking for the waterfront. It is the leader's responsibility to get them there. Is he wise just to pretend he knows the way and guess, possibly leading them in the opposite direction? Is he wise to ask the other tourists with him, who are standing in the same place and have also never been there before? They could take a vote and it would be democratic, but no more likely that they get there.
No, he would be wise to ask the person looking out of a window half way up a building, who has a better view, or even better, somebody who has lived in the city for a long time, who definitely knows the way.
How much do we respect our elders and their experiences of life? Do we treat them as a weight to carry in our life or our church? Or do we come to them with humility and listen to their wisdom? Do we seek them out when we have a dilemma to see if they can shed some light on it?
Is wisdom knowing the way? Is it walking doggedly in what we think is the right direction but not checking with anyone? Or is it admitting that we aren't sure, and seeing whether anyone has some insight? We might have been right anyway, in which case no harm is done, or we might be shown a signpost to the right way and be saved a lot of trouble and pain.
I know I respect those who I see showing wisdom, and hunting out the truth and the good choice, even if it means swallowing their pride or taking the longer, more difficult route.
I pray that God would make me into one of those people.
Proverbs 16:2 (and 21:2) All a man's ways seem right to him...
We always think we are making the right or wise decision, otherwise we wouldn't decide that.
But we know that sometimes when we look back, when someone suggested an alternative route they might have had some insight that we did not see or value at the time. With our knowledge at the time what they said didn't seem to make sense or apply to our particular circumstances, but with hindsight we realise that their words were wise and usually that they came from experience.
As human beings we learn by doing, not by being told. As I have mentioned before, there are many things that I have thought that I've known, but until I have experienced them truly myself I have not understood properly. I think wisdom is like this as well. We think we know best and that no-one else can understand our situation like we do (which they can't, because even if they've been through something similar it will never have been quite the same, and they haven't been us going through that situation) and we discount their advice or think it doesn't apply to us. In retrospect, when we come out the other side of a choice or a change, we realise that if we had really taken the time to humbly listen we could have applied their wisdom to our situation. But we had to learn it by ourselves rather than just have them tell us.
I am beginning to think that the beginning of having wisdom is to be able to skip this step and to take advice. To know that other people have already learned by experience and they are telling us something because it may genuinely inform our decision. To admit that I may not always know best, but that somebody who has seen more of life than I have might have an insight to my situation.
When we are unsure or have a big decision to make that will affect others, where do we turn to for advice?
In 2 Chronicles 10 we see Rehoboam faced with a decision about how to deal with his subjects in the the north who want the 'heavy yoke' Solomon placed on them relieving. Rehoboam first goes to the older men who counselled his father Solomon and they advise him to be good to the people and they will serve him willingly.
This doesn't fit with what Rehoboam has in mind (perhaps he wants to make sure people don't think they can run rings around him as he takes over from his father - he already seems to be on the defensive feeling that he has to rule them with power to draw respect from them (this will be a negative 'fear' respect) rather than earning their respect with gentleness and wisdom (a wholesome, healthy loving respect)) and so he hoes and asks his own advisors: the young men who had grown up with him.
And of course they say the same as he is thinking. Go in and show them who's boss. Which would have made sense from their point of view. It may have seemed like the only way to deal with people he was worried would revolt against him. But in the end they revolted anyway, for he commanded neither a positive Godly respect from them nor a negative 'fear' respect.
Had he come to the dilemma with humility and realised that his instinctive approach may not be the most effective, the great split in his kingdom could have been avoided. Had he valued the life experience of the older men, especially as he knew they had witnessed and been part of his father's great wisdom, he could have begun his own journey in gaining wisdom by being able to accept others' experiences without having to learn the lesson by making his own mistakes.
So my question is: how should we make our choices? On our own? Sometimes this works, but remember that all a man's ways seem right to him - sometimes we are to close to something to look at it objectively.
Seek counsel? For a tough decision and one that will affect others, I think this is the only way forward, but from whom should we seek counsel?
The young men from whom Rehoboam sought counsel could not give him good advice because they were standing in the same place as him. They had the same life experience. They were the same age and had grown up together so they had no extra insights to add. He may as well not have bothered asking. (But maybe he had to so it looked like he wasn't just doing his own thing. We should be wary of shopping around for advice fits what we want - someone to make us feel like what we want to do is ok)
It's like if a group of tourists are lost in a city where they have never been before. They are surrounded by tall buildings and are looking for the waterfront. It is the leader's responsibility to get them there. Is he wise just to pretend he knows the way and guess, possibly leading them in the opposite direction? Is he wise to ask the other tourists with him, who are standing in the same place and have also never been there before? They could take a vote and it would be democratic, but no more likely that they get there.
No, he would be wise to ask the person looking out of a window half way up a building, who has a better view, or even better, somebody who has lived in the city for a long time, who definitely knows the way.
How much do we respect our elders and their experiences of life? Do we treat them as a weight to carry in our life or our church? Or do we come to them with humility and listen to their wisdom? Do we seek them out when we have a dilemma to see if they can shed some light on it?
Is wisdom knowing the way? Is it walking doggedly in what we think is the right direction but not checking with anyone? Or is it admitting that we aren't sure, and seeing whether anyone has some insight? We might have been right anyway, in which case no harm is done, or we might be shown a signpost to the right way and be saved a lot of trouble and pain.
I know I respect those who I see showing wisdom, and hunting out the truth and the good choice, even if it means swallowing their pride or taking the longer, more difficult route.
I pray that God would make me into one of those people.
Saturday, 31 August 2013
He knows me
Here's another theme that keeps popping up and eventually popped up enough times that I got round to writing about it.
The obvious place to start on this one is Psalm 139.
O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
The obvious place to start on this one is Psalm 139.
O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
you discern my thoughts from afar.
and are acquainted with all my ways.
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
For you formed my inward parts;
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
I have always loved this Psalm (go away and read the whole thing - I have tried to just pick the bits most relevant to what I am saying here to keep the post short-ish) because it speaks of how deeply God knows us, better than we do ourselves and how he walks with us no matter what. But it was another of those ideas that I thought I understood and liked and then he came along and brought it to life, like at the end of the Narnia books where they realise that everything so far has just been a shadow.
The difference between the old Narnia and the new Narnia was like [this:] The new one was a deeper country: every rock and flower and blade of grass looked as if it meant more. I can't describe it any better than that: if you ever get there you will know what I mean.
He has been doing this with various themes for a while now and I love it! When he gives an insight to something I thought I knew, or something I wished I could understand more, it is such a beautiful gift, because those are gems I could never find or make for myself. They are his gracious gifts, tailored just for me because he knows me perfectly, a gesture from one who loves me. And I also know that I will spend eternity coming to know all sorts of things and even the same things over and over again, more and more deeply as I search the infinite riches of Christ.
Anyway, tangent over, I will return to the subject on hand. He knows me. Because I am the kind of person who finds it very difficult to express what is going on inside of me, I find this hugely comforting. This line from a wonderful German worship song really brings home to me his closeness and the safety and release in that.
'Du zeigst dich uns als ewig treuer Freund, und weisst genau wie unser Herz es meint' (you show yourself to us as faithful Friend and know exactly how our heart means it)
No matter how many times I am misunderstood by other people, he knows exactly what was in my heart. Generally in those situations I will not try to defend myself because it is just not worth it, and it is actually the fact that the truth is not accepted or acknowledged and that someone thinks that I would intend whatever they thought I meant that really hurts. How great the comfort in knowing that he understands.
Psalm 139:1-6, 13-14 (ESV)
I have always loved this Psalm (go away and read the whole thing - I have tried to just pick the bits most relevant to what I am saying here to keep the post short-ish) because it speaks of how deeply God knows us, better than we do ourselves and how he walks with us no matter what. But it was another of those ideas that I thought I understood and liked and then he came along and brought it to life, like at the end of the Narnia books where they realise that everything so far has just been a shadow.
The difference between the old Narnia and the new Narnia was like [this:] The new one was a deeper country: every rock and flower and blade of grass looked as if it meant more. I can't describe it any better than that: if you ever get there you will know what I mean.
C.S. Lewis The Last Battle
He has been doing this with various themes for a while now and I love it! When he gives an insight to something I thought I knew, or something I wished I could understand more, it is such a beautiful gift, because those are gems I could never find or make for myself. They are his gracious gifts, tailored just for me because he knows me perfectly, a gesture from one who loves me. And I also know that I will spend eternity coming to know all sorts of things and even the same things over and over again, more and more deeply as I search the infinite riches of Christ.
Anyway, tangent over, I will return to the subject on hand. He knows me. Because I am the kind of person who finds it very difficult to express what is going on inside of me, I find this hugely comforting. This line from a wonderful German worship song really brings home to me his closeness and the safety and release in that.
'Du zeigst dich uns als ewig treuer Freund, und weisst genau wie unser Herz es meint' (you show yourself to us as faithful Friend and know exactly how our heart means it)
Lothar Kosse Immer mehr von dir
No matter how many times I am misunderstood by other people, he knows exactly what was in my heart. Generally in those situations I will not try to defend myself because it is just not worth it, and it is actually the fact that the truth is not accepted or acknowledged and that someone thinks that I would intend whatever they thought I meant that really hurts. How great the comfort in knowing that he understands.
Of course that works both ways. I can't pull the wool over his eyes about my motivation or inner state. But how unbelievable that he loves me anyway! He knows all there is to know and chooses to work in me no matter how many times I fail, fall, walk away, disobey. In fact he chose to create me, knowing exactly how I would turn out.
He also knows my potential. He knows how he made me to be and how his masterpiece will one day be fulfilled. This is good news because I have little to no idea how he plans to use me or what potential he has hidden away in there!
The realisation that actually triggered me to write this post, however, was that because he knows me perfectly, he knows how I work, how mit mir umzugehen (I think that roughly translates how to deal with me, but I like the German phrase better). This means that I don't need to get het up about seeking his will. If I am loving him and abiding in him he knows how to make clear what he wants of me and will honour my prayers that he keep me in his way, showing what he would have me do and what he would have me change. Not that I ever thought he was, but he's not trying to be secretive or trick me - he knows exactly what and how he needs to communicate with me and will not leave me far away from him. He hems me in behind and before and if I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there his hand shall lead me, and his right hand shall hold me. (Ps 139 again)
Not sure whether I have really communicated what I was hoping to, but I have definitely organised some of my thoughts and I pray that he would bring these things alive to you in the way that is best for you to truly know them.
He also knows my potential. He knows how he made me to be and how his masterpiece will one day be fulfilled. This is good news because I have little to no idea how he plans to use me or what potential he has hidden away in there!
The realisation that actually triggered me to write this post, however, was that because he knows me perfectly, he knows how I work, how mit mir umzugehen (I think that roughly translates how to deal with me, but I like the German phrase better). This means that I don't need to get het up about seeking his will. If I am loving him and abiding in him he knows how to make clear what he wants of me and will honour my prayers that he keep me in his way, showing what he would have me do and what he would have me change. Not that I ever thought he was, but he's not trying to be secretive or trick me - he knows exactly what and how he needs to communicate with me and will not leave me far away from him. He hems me in behind and before and if I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there his hand shall lead me, and his right hand shall hold me. (Ps 139 again)
Not sure whether I have really communicated what I was hoping to, but I have definitely organised some of my thoughts and I pray that he would bring these things alive to you in the way that is best for you to truly know them.
Saturday, 8 June 2013
Love
This post has been pending in my mind for a while now and I have finally disciplined myself to get to the blog to write it down to help me think it through. And I can't find the word I want for the title that expresses just what I am trying to convey, but never mind!
The thought first came to me when my little girl (that I look after, not actually my little girl!) had just woken up from her nap and it was cuddle time. God gave me one of those 'click' moments of insight to his perspective. Now when she's not sleepy she's not that cuddly so I really treasure the few minutes I get of sitting down and having her just chill there. She's not distracted by her toys, she's not trying to get something out of me or wind up her brother. She is content and she trusts me.
It feels like a huge privilege to me to have these times with her even though she's not even my daughter. To feel that closeness with another being when she is completely relaxed in my arms, just being. To me it is a glimpse of what it must be like to be a parent. The love I feel for her at those moments must be a drop in the ocean compared to how it feels to nurture your own child and have her (or him) depend on you and completely trust you to be what she needs. She is so vulnerable at those times and it is in my arms that she chooses to rest and be content.
Despite my years of caring for children, I have never had one of my own, and moments like this remind me that what I do now is just a shadow of what I have been made to do (or at least to be able to do - who knows whether I ever will!). But it also gives me insight into the parent-child relationship that is often used to describe God's relationship to us. I have always assented to the idea in my head and thought I understood it, understanding what I feel for my own mother, but this moment made me consider what it is like to be on the other side.
Of course an earthly parent's understanding of how they love their child is still only a glimpse of how God loves us and I only have a glimpse of those parenty feelings but if I can feel like that for one split second, truly delighting in this child and her contentedness and trust in me, oh how much more beyond my wildest imagination must my Lord and Saviour, Abba Father, love me.
Not only that, but how he must yearn for me to come to him, to lean on him, to be content just resting with him, to trust him in my most vulnerable moments to be my source. I look forward to those moments while my little girl is asleep and while she is running around doing things all day and now each time I am reminded to give my Maker, Shelter and Comforter more of those beautiful moments.
And I thank him and praise him for giving us these pictures and then in his time breathing life and understanding into them to open our eyes anew to him.
The thought first came to me when my little girl (that I look after, not actually my little girl!) had just woken up from her nap and it was cuddle time. God gave me one of those 'click' moments of insight to his perspective. Now when she's not sleepy she's not that cuddly so I really treasure the few minutes I get of sitting down and having her just chill there. She's not distracted by her toys, she's not trying to get something out of me or wind up her brother. She is content and she trusts me.
It feels like a huge privilege to me to have these times with her even though she's not even my daughter. To feel that closeness with another being when she is completely relaxed in my arms, just being. To me it is a glimpse of what it must be like to be a parent. The love I feel for her at those moments must be a drop in the ocean compared to how it feels to nurture your own child and have her (or him) depend on you and completely trust you to be what she needs. She is so vulnerable at those times and it is in my arms that she chooses to rest and be content.
Despite my years of caring for children, I have never had one of my own, and moments like this remind me that what I do now is just a shadow of what I have been made to do (or at least to be able to do - who knows whether I ever will!). But it also gives me insight into the parent-child relationship that is often used to describe God's relationship to us. I have always assented to the idea in my head and thought I understood it, understanding what I feel for my own mother, but this moment made me consider what it is like to be on the other side.
Of course an earthly parent's understanding of how they love their child is still only a glimpse of how God loves us and I only have a glimpse of those parenty feelings but if I can feel like that for one split second, truly delighting in this child and her contentedness and trust in me, oh how much more beyond my wildest imagination must my Lord and Saviour, Abba Father, love me.
Not only that, but how he must yearn for me to come to him, to lean on him, to be content just resting with him, to trust him in my most vulnerable moments to be my source. I look forward to those moments while my little girl is asleep and while she is running around doing things all day and now each time I am reminded to give my Maker, Shelter and Comforter more of those beautiful moments.
And I thank him and praise him for giving us these pictures and then in his time breathing life and understanding into them to open our eyes anew to him.
Friday, 26 April 2013
Sufficient: Letting go and trusting him to be enough
This is the most difficult bit. My head knows that he is enough. Experience has shown me that he is enough. His word tells me that he is enough. And still I struggle to let go and have peace in the knowledge that the Lord of all, my creator, really has it all in hand.
Is it because I know that he is unlikely to just make everything a walk in the park (it's not just me that isn't a fan of trials, effort, pain, right?)? That I am a control freak who wants to sort things out by herself? That I am not closely enough in communion with him to have a constant conviction that it really is true? That I don't really think he could care that much about someone like me?
Any or all of the above, I suppose. Of course I couldn't count the number of times I've been told that we are all on a journey and that only when God's masterpieces are fulfilled at resurrection will we be all that we hope for, but I am not a patient person. I get so frustrated that I can't just be what I want to be right now. I suppose that is another thing I should let go of and trust him for. After all, he died for me because I am not perfect and couldn't be on my own. The whole point of his being sufficient is my insufficiency.
I just have to ask him to help me let go and trust him to be enough, because in my head I know that he is. Little by little, I can give one more thing to him, not saying that this doesn't matter to me any more, but that it matters greatly and I trust him to deal perfectly with it, knowing me perfectly. Then I have to try not to take it back from him again. 'I long for this, but I trust you' is a prayer I seem to pray a lot at the moment.
I warn you though: it seems that every time I pray one of those reckless prayers (draw me closer to you, teach me to let go and trust you more, help me to depend on you) he answers. This shouldn't surprise me - he is after all a faithful God. But the trouble is, he doesn't just give us more faith, more longing for him, more joy, more hope; he gives us the opportunity to develop it. Which is rarely comfortable. So beware that if you pray prayers like that, he is liable to take you at your word!
Finally, having spent a while thinking about God's sufficiency and considering his unfailing faithfulness, I need to note one last thing. It is marvellous that he is sufficient to cover my sins, use my weakness, make up for my failings and come through for me in times of need and despair, but this is not the whole story. It's not actually about me. When I focus on him and hear of who he is - his glory, his might, his love, his grace - it is not me that matters, for he is worthy of all praise no matter what my situation.
Is it because I know that he is unlikely to just make everything a walk in the park (it's not just me that isn't a fan of trials, effort, pain, right?)? That I am a control freak who wants to sort things out by herself? That I am not closely enough in communion with him to have a constant conviction that it really is true? That I don't really think he could care that much about someone like me?
Any or all of the above, I suppose. Of course I couldn't count the number of times I've been told that we are all on a journey and that only when God's masterpieces are fulfilled at resurrection will we be all that we hope for, but I am not a patient person. I get so frustrated that I can't just be what I want to be right now. I suppose that is another thing I should let go of and trust him for. After all, he died for me because I am not perfect and couldn't be on my own. The whole point of his being sufficient is my insufficiency.
I just have to ask him to help me let go and trust him to be enough, because in my head I know that he is. Little by little, I can give one more thing to him, not saying that this doesn't matter to me any more, but that it matters greatly and I trust him to deal perfectly with it, knowing me perfectly. Then I have to try not to take it back from him again. 'I long for this, but I trust you' is a prayer I seem to pray a lot at the moment.
I warn you though: it seems that every time I pray one of those reckless prayers (draw me closer to you, teach me to let go and trust you more, help me to depend on you) he answers. This shouldn't surprise me - he is after all a faithful God. But the trouble is, he doesn't just give us more faith, more longing for him, more joy, more hope; he gives us the opportunity to develop it. Which is rarely comfortable. So beware that if you pray prayers like that, he is liable to take you at your word!
Finally, having spent a while thinking about God's sufficiency and considering his unfailing faithfulness, I need to note one last thing. It is marvellous that he is sufficient to cover my sins, use my weakness, make up for my failings and come through for me in times of need and despair, but this is not the whole story. It's not actually about me. When I focus on him and hear of who he is - his glory, his might, his love, his grace - it is not me that matters, for he is worthy of all praise no matter what my situation.
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